first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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