Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
