pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
