Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
