I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
