Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
