I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
