I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
