you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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