last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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