he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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