Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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