Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
