tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shame - the story of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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