how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
