just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
