she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
