I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
