Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thus making me awesome and them whores
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
