dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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