ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
