It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
