He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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