Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
