maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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