if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
