Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize