I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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