More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
