just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
