my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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