You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
