Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
