Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
