We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
