3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
