I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
