Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
3 2 1 whiskey
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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