I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
