I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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