You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
