OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
