Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
