All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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