apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
