i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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