If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
