If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
