All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
