I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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