Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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