11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want a musical about memes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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