After last night, I could never be a politician.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
