If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My bed smells like the plague
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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