i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
