I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
