i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You made out with two different species that night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
