if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drunk is not a location!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
