I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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