why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bring money and cleavage
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
