I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
