Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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