it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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