She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
40s are totally the cure
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
