allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
