you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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