I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
