And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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