This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
