I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
